Someday, friend-shooting mountain warlord Dick Cheney is going to unzip his skin and Andy Kaufman will leap out. Until then, we can enjoy his slapstick apocalyptic-shaman shtick, like this interview yesterday in which he vacillated "between the various theories" on why Barack Obumbler is so weak and evil.

Future generations will read of a warmongering Southern senator named Cotton and think we made that shit up. Will they be right? Let's lay out what we know, and what we don't.

Jet jockeys gotta be able to see. I mean, once their jet gets off the ground, which the F-35 will, eventually, at some point in the next two decades, after 19 years and a trillion or so dollars in development. In the meantime, check out this boss helmet for F-35 pilots that costs about as much as a city in South Dakota.

Via our friends at Ratter, here's "A Very Powerful Police Video" that made the rounds among California Highway Patrol officers getting "up" to break protests in the East Bay late last year. "Motivational" videos aren't new in military and cop circles, but they never get any smarter. Send us your best in comments.

The logo and the company name change, but business stays the same. The mercenary syndicate formerly known as Blackwater has raked in more than half a billion dollars from U.S. contracts to thoroughly fail at stemming the terrorist-supported trade in Afghan opium, according to a new government report.

As nuclear negotiations between Iran and U.S. allies go down to the wire, the Islamic Republic has accused America of killing two of its advisers in the ground war in Iraq with an unmanned aerial vehicle—though U.S. officials say the allegation has no merit.

Federal authorities late yesterday arrested Spc. Hasan Edmonds, 22, a Illinois Army National Guard soldier, and his cousin Jonas, 29, for attempting to join the Islamic State's anti-Western jihad, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

Post-peace hipster follicle-farm John Bolton is the latest contestant in the New York Times' "Who can write the insanest Strangelove shit about scary Persians?" sweepstakes, with an entry that concludes we must bomb... something somewhere. But if you pan this stream of consciousness long enough, a gold nugget turns up.

Is the world flat enough for you yet? Do you require more flattening? 'Cause it can be arranged. Nay, it should be, according to Tom Friedman, who—and he's just spitballing here—wonders, in the New York Times, where he is paid to spitball for Pulitzers: "Should we be arming ISIS?"

As the director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives prepares to defend his budget before angry pro-gun senators Thursday, the agency is hitting the brakes on a plan to ban a type of armor-piercing ammunition after pushback from gun activists, sources tell Gawker.

Georgia will deal with creeping sharia and marching socialism and also its unemployment rate—among the highest in the nation—just as soon as it passes this bill defending righteous, traditional Americans' freedom to hate gays. And how can anyone resist such a bill when proponents defend it as eloquently as this?

Arguments about the founding fathers' intent tend to be stupid. They are the province of elitist dullards and libertarian misrememberers. When not absurdly speculative, their cases ignore that our framers intended minorities and women to be chattel. But every so often, a framer speaks precisely to our modern condition.

Kurdish forces besieging an ISIS-held position Tuesday have confirmed that Ashley Johnston, 28, an Australian pictured above at right, was killed fighting with the Kurds, making him apparently the first English-speaking Westerner to die in combat against the Islamic State.

It takes a special kind of person to leave home and join a foreign militia to fight the theocratic brutes of the Islamic State's army. It takes an even more special person to realize, a little too late, that his chosen anti-ISIS militia holds a political and religious ideology that's as antithetical to his own as ISIS's.

"When hard news people deceive their viewers and readers to advance a political agenda, that's when the nation gets hurt," Fox News Sith lord Bill O'Reilly complained last week, after Brian Williams' high-profile face-plant. But a new report suggests O'Reilly's been similarly flogging a bogus story of military bravado for years.

A six-figure Beltway columnist for Bloomberg View with recent credibility issues essentially writes a press release for an anti-Obama, pro-Netanyahu push poll by a pro-Israel lobby group, and has his piece approvingly tweeted out by Bibi Netanyahu himself. Great work, everybody!

History's greatest democracy continued its love affair with hereditary monarchy Wednesday, as Jeb Bush captivated listeners with A Very Important Foreign Policy Speech full of original insights about being his own man and America needing leadership and believing that "weakness invites war … and strength encourages peace."

We don't know for sure whether, when Craig Stephen Hicks allegedly set out to kill his neighbors Tuesday night, he was targeting them as Muslims or he was "merely" pent up about the parking situation at his condo complex. What we do know is that he seems to have been a visibly unstable, volatile man, and he was licensed by the state of North Carolina to carry a concealed firearm.