Glistening war dome Eli Lake, late of Bloomberg Politics, just can't stand that hand-wringing Senate report about torture being bad and ineffective. So he turned it upside down and tried to read it all backwards-like, and it turns out torture is super good at helping Americans, maybe, possibly. That'll be $275,000, please!

A member of the secretive, all-about-the business special operations team that killed Osama bin Laden will participate in an upcoming Fox News Channel documentary and explain how it was him who fired the shots that killed the Al Qaeda leader.