Civilization is imperiled. Demonic dark-skinned criminals exult in seizing property and security. Only a vanguard of brave uniformed officers can take them off the streets and restore order. It is 1835, and whites are finally confronting what Mark Twain will soon call "the satanic brotherhood of the Thugs."

Jermell Hasson spent his summer sleeping in a parking lot in Ferguson to join the protests over Michael Brown's shooting by police. Hasson's reward was to become racist America's favorite meme, after a doctored image of him was shared thousands of times across the internet's dark, sticky id-corners.

Spurred on by a Tennessee resident who is concerned about the Ferguson protesters and their catchy chants, supporters of police officer Darren Wilson have donated more than enough money to post a billboard in the heart of the St. Louis suburb reading "#PantsUPDontLoot."

Sometime soon, a grand jury in St. Louis County, Missouri will decide whether or not to indict Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson for shooting and killing black teenager Michael Brown. Local officials are preparing for that moment by buying heaps of military-style riot gear.

If Andrew Breitbart injected a Chia Pet with ginger and turkey fat, then died before he could bring it in out of the sun, the resulting mass would grow up to become Chuck C. Johnson. The right-wing provocateur gave America a race-baiting level-up Thursday by releasing pics from Michael Brown's social media.