Operation OK Let's Go Back There And Maybe Clean Up Some Spots We Missed, But You Know We're Just Gonna End Up Making A Mess Again is a go. Too bad; we could probably have used that name next week, when the Libyan Republic of Jihad makes ISIS look like JROTC.

What is best in life? Do poor people deserve families? What kind of an indolent loser works only one job? Has Horatio Alger been reincarnated in the body of a "former high school student and current college student" with opinions? The answers may surprise you.

Satan statues are nothing new. They are the province of jokesters and tongue-in-cheek religious-freedomers. But sometimes, a special Satan statue comes along and changes your mind. This is the story of one special Satan statue, in Canada. A Satan statue with a huge dong.

Here's the good news: For 50 cents a minute, Dallas County Jail inmates will soon be able to have video face-time with their lawyers and loved ones. Here's the bad news: The contract with the company running the video phones would also bar prisoners from having in-person visitors.

Much has been made of the return of America's neoconservative Iraq hawks to the media circuits since that country's slow descent into chaos became a fast descent into chaos. But now that war's coming back, Dick Cheney is having a real moment. Not just a moment: He's straight-up MacArthuring.

You may remember Shane Bauer as one of several American writers imprisoned by Iranian hardliners for more than two years. So when the Mother Jones reporter seems a little creeped out by the militarism on display at a SWAT convention in California, you might want to pay attention.

Georgia Sen. Fran Millar, Republican of Dunwoody, has vowed to fight a plan to allow voting on Sunday because precincts will be "dominated by African American shoppers and... several large African American mega churches," and he "would prefer more educated voters."

President Obama will address the nation in prime time Wednesday evening to lay out his strategy to fight the Islamic State. Combating the group has become a high priority since its brutal staged executions of two Americans. Coincidentally, Missouri and Texas have prisoner executions scheduled for Wednesday night.

Is your faith in football shaken by reports of physical abuse, coverups, and deifications of child-rape apologists? Is your faith in America and military might and muscular capitalism shaken, too? The University of Maryland would like to offer a counterpoint, which is: AMERICA FUCK YEAH.

Demonstrating all the alacrity of a scorned online fedora-enthusiast and all the civility of—well, of a murderous jihadi—a social media account connected to allies of the Islamic State has issued calls to kill Twitter employees for trying to stamp out radicals' accounts on the popular social service.

One thing's for sure: On the evening of March 31, 2014, Chris Heben—former Navy SEAL, American patriot, and purveyor of motivational workout videos and t-shirts—drove himself to a fire station with a gunshot to his abdomen. Everything else, though, is bullshit.

Last month, Fusion found that 184 police agencies across the U.S. had been suspended from the Pentagon's notorious military-issue weaponry program for losing the guns they were given. The news site visited nine California departments in search of their lost armaments, with funnysad results.

Or pick up an M4 and do something about those Hollywood fantasies your goddamn chicken-shitty, Feith-loving, history-distorting, Greek-worshipping, ranch-inheriting, race-baiting self.

Want to get out of debt fast? Burnish your resumé? Have I got just the job for you. Did I say "I"? I mean "we," as in the Department of the Army and "Office of Security Assistance-Iraq."

Ordinarily, I have to force myself to read any column with a headline like "U.S. Needs to Get Serious About Defense Spending." But sometimes, a column is different. Special.

A Republican Oklahoma lawmaker and his state party chairman would like you to know that all Muslims want to enslave or kill you. I would like you to know just how far below grade level these patriotic statesmen's reading, writing and speaking abilities are.

Michael Elsbury, a Baton Rouge police officer with 15 years on the force, resigned yesterday amid gathering pressure over text messages in which he fantasized about violence against "niggers" and "those African monkeys."

No no no no no noooooooo no no NO NO NOPE.