Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, devoted Islamic State imam, has reportedly survived a U.S.-led attack and proven that the line between blood-lusting despot and sexually repressed punchline is, as ever, a fine one with a new audio sermon exhorting his scruffy man-warriors to "explode the volcanoes of jihad everywhere."
America is in the throes of a maize maze malaise: People keep getting lost in corn mazes and calling 911.
Well, how would you make the goddamn thing disappear?
Vladimir Putin is single again, and he was at this summit yesterday sitting next to the Chinese premier's wife. The bureaucrat behind that seating arrangement is probably already in a concrete cell eating a Makarov sandwich, seeing how Putin tried to convince the first lady that Russian bears need cuddling, too.
"As a senior commander in Iraq and Afghanistan, I lost 80 soldiers," retired three-star general Daniel Bolger writes in today's Times. "As veterans, we tell ourselves it was all worth it." But Bolger points out what we rarely acknowledge on days like today: The stories we tell ourselves, more often than not, are bullshit.
If congressional Republicans can win over the same electorate that voted for Barack Obama twice, then maybe one of Montana's most notorious white supremacists can drum up interest in his plan for a kindler, gentler Ku Klux Klan that welcomes minorities, Jews, and gays.
A Republican caller to C-SPAN's "Washington Journal" program warned his fellow GOPers not to get too extreme in the wake of their electoral victories Tuesday—which, he added, were all "about race" because "Republicans hate that nigger Obama."
You may not know or remember the earlier exploits of Lt. Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt (USN-Ret.), the new state representative for evangelical wackadoo-heavy Colorado Springs. But let us remind you, because he's probably the most insane of nutso politicians elected last night.
"A voter gestures as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) votes in the midterm elections at Bellarmine University in Louisville, Kentucky," the Getty Images caption reads. That's... accurate as far as it goes. Happy Election Day, Mitch.
Voting sucks. Off-year voting sucks the worst. Like Valentine's, Election Day 2014 seems less a heartfelt chance to express preferences than a mandate to give one's limited purchasing options a whiff of will and legitimacy. You can be forgiven for apathy. But you still must make some choices. Here's some info to help.
Democratic Colorado Sen. Mark Udall's tenuous chance at reelection took a hard blow Sunday after he was cussed out in the middle of a public stump speech by one of his own ultra-wealthy donors because, in the donor's words, "fucking abortion is all he talks about."
The U.S. Navy has a three-star admiral in charge of all its intelligence-gathering and analysis efforts. But for a year, he has been barred by officials from viewing any secret intelligence, essentially making his job moot and leaving the service dead in the water when it comes to gathering critical information.
