Leading Sharia shaykh and Muslim Brother-in-chief Barack Obama, who fiendishly vowed to “reassess” the United States’ special relationship with Israel, has finally laid bare his plans to kill the vulnerable Jewish state and its fragile democracy: He will choke it to death with billions in new bombs and missiles.
But man, watch them make Ukraine disappear!
Last week, we posed a question. This week, we have an answer: "Senator Tom Cotton," Republican of Arkansas, is in fact not a natural human organism, but a hybrid experiment in which the brain of German general Erich Friedrich Wilhelm Ludendorff has been grafted onto the frame of a pugnacious giraffe.
Someday, friend-shooting mountain warlord Dick Cheney is going to unzip his skin and Andy Kaufman will leap out. Until then, we can enjoy his slapstick apocalyptic-shaman shtick, like this interview yesterday in which he vacillated "between the various theories" on why Barack Obumbler is so weak and evil.
Post-peace hipster follicle-farm John Bolton is the latest contestant in the New York Times' "Who can write the insanest Strangelove shit about scary Persians?" sweepstakes, with an entry that concludes we must bomb... something somewhere. But if you pan this stream of consciousness long enough, a gold nugget turns up.
As the director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives prepares to defend his budget before angry pro-gun senators Thursday, the agency is hitting the brakes on a plan to ban a type of armor-piercing ammunition after pushback from gun activists, sources tell Gawker.
Arguments about the founding fathers' intent tend to be stupid. They are the province of elitist dullards and libertarian misrememberers. When not absurdly speculative, their cases ignore that our framers intended minorities and women to be chattel. But every so often, a framer speaks precisely to our modern condition.
It's Benghazi redux: As they secured the U.S. embassy in Yemen, the final Marines to leave the country handed their weapons over to Iran-friendly Houthi rebels, on orders from some Obama administration bureaucrat. That's the right-wing blogosphere's story, anyway, even though the Marine Corps calls it bullshit.
Since the time of Archimedes, human history has acknowledged six simple machines, basic tools designed to advance our lots. But in 2014, no tool proved simpler and more efficient in the production of sublimation, denial and self-sustaining garbage than our conservative media. Here were its highest achievements.
We live in a world with walls. And those walls have to be guarded. Who's gonna do it? You, Barracks Hussain Obummer? Of course not. You can't even extend the slightest of courtesies to America's Guardians™ when their love stands, like a wall, between you and your dumb 16th-hole sextuple-bogey play-through.
A Republican caller to C-SPAN's "Washington Journal" program warned his fellow GOPers not to get too extreme in the wake of their electoral victories Tuesday—which, he added, were all "about race" because "Republicans hate that nigger Obama."
The Free Syrian Army, a moderate militia being trained and equipped by the Obama administration in hopes that it could defeat both ISIS and Syria's secular dictator, was routed by Al Qaeda allies over the weekend, with many of its men and weapons being taken over for the jihadi cause.
Who is the proverbial 1 percent when it comes to elections in America? This year, it's maybe a tiny swath of rural conservative voters.
Ron Klain, the White House's new "Ebola Czar," is not a doctor. But he is a Democratic staffer. Who once offered a soundbite on the problems of overpopulation in an interview with his college alumni office. Do I have to spell it out for you? Fine. But first, grab some provisions and head to the fallout shelter.
